Knitting Therapy

I've always loved the therapeutic affect of knitting... the repetitive motion, the feel of soft yarn twisting thru my fingers... there's something wonderful about that. I find it helps me to focus my thoughts and blot out the things that would distract or worry me.

That being said... I've been doing a lot of knitting lately... my yarn could charge me a decent hourly rate if it were my therapist.

I've worked on Mark's sweater... but I've found it to be a restless project. Although I love the man fiercely, I have discovered that I do not love knitting a gazillion stitches in the round. The other night, we settled on the couch to watch a movie to distract ourselves from the emotions of waiting. I measured the sweater beforehand, I knit for the whole movie, and then at the end... I remeasured. How is it one can knit for two hours and end up with the SAME cms???? I was undone... it didn't help that in the movie, the main characters wife lost her baby. It didn't talk about that on the back cover. The knitting and movie were not as therapeutic that night as they should have been.

I'm continuing to work on socks for my dad. Used the YarnHarlot's pattern she did for her dh Joe - a manly man, and a Newfie... so I figured if he liked his socks, my dad might like them too. After several pairs of plain black, I needed a little variety.

My true therapy has been knitting a few baby things. I bought some heavenly soft angora at Spun, my lys. It's soft and white and soothing to touch. I will never hold this baby, but I will have this lovely knitting to touch when the longing arises, and I hope it will soothe the pain with time. It was hard to bind off the last row. It seemed so final. The knitting was done before I felt done... ready to move on. So I cast on again, this time for booties... but I ran out of yarn after the first one was complete. I wondered if I ought to go and buy another skein... or does a project left undone seem more fitting? No amount of knitting will help, I've decided. I just have to wait and walk this thru. I could end up with a whole layette for a baby that will never wear it, and I doubt I will feel satisfied in the end. Proverbs 30 speaks of a barren womb never being satisfied - and though I am not barren, I've sadly lost this child, nothing I can do will satisfy the longing I will forever feel to hold this child. God alone is the one who can calm my heart and fill the emptiness.

Though the loose ends of my baby knitting have neatly been woven in, the feelings of my heart are not so easily dealt with. They cannot be tucked away, snipped off, or buried. I feel a little ragged, and the process of working thru the emotions of losing a baby takes more time than knitting these baby things.