Falling

Just a quick note...

It's been a wonderful August... and I haven't posted once about it!! Oh dear...

Dorcas camp was wonderful with Hannah and Amanda. Girl time! I was inspired by a number of craft ideas, and I walked away from the week renewed spiritually and emotionally. I came home a better wife and better mother.

Our anniversay dinner with our family and friends was amazing. It was great to celebrate ten years with some of the people who have been there for us, good times and bad, encouraging us and praying with us. I'm thankful to have been blessed with such wonderful parents... and I am doubly blessed to have received such a special second family of in-laws.

Mum Joy and I are starting a Daniel fast this week. It was her suggestion as a kick-off to the year... a time to focus on the Lord, set ourselves apart and seek after Him. A few years ago when I did my 40-day Lenten fast, I realized very quickly how much our lives around food and we seek after it to fill us and fulfill us... but it is utterly incapable of doing so. I want to begin this year focused on God's plan for our homeschool. I want to spend extra time in prayer for Hannah especially... I love her exceedinly but she tests me to my limit... I want a breakthru for us.

I want just one thing in my life... God.

All the rest will just fall into place.

Drawn Deeper

One year ago my grandmother died suddenly.

My inspiration. My encourager. My teacher.

She had been excited about having another great-grandchild and she wished that this little one would be born on her birthday. To lose her so suddenly and not be able to attend the funeral was extremely difficult for me. I had to hold onto the faith that she had taught me, and sing my way through the hard times, another thing she taught me.

Home by and by, when our journey is o'er

There we shall meet on that bright and happy shore

Safe with my Saviour, in His arms forever more

Glory to God! I'll be home by and by

This was one of her favourite songs to sing, a hymn from the tiny Salvation Army church in Newfoundland that she attended for years and years. I can hear her now, as if I were standing beside her... a strong alto, singing with great conviction. Oh how she longed for heaven, especially after Pop had already gone to be with Jesus! The night before she died, she had a dream that Pop had come to lie beside her in bed, and wrapped his arms around her. The next day, she was wrapped in her Saviour's arms and reunited with her life-long love.

Some days I find myself reaching for the phone because it feels strange to have not talked to her for so long... and then I remember. I think that is part of what has drawn me deeper into knitting... it's my connection to her. It's how I feel close to her.

There's a place I know in Ontario...

Marineland!! Thru the homeschooling network, 194 people showed up at Marineland to enjoy a fabulous, fun-filled day. I can't figure out what was the highlight of the day... it was so amazing... but I was bummed out when... ah crap... the battery died midway thru the afternoon.

Our indoor show pics didn't turn out that well... it was really dark in there... but I will never forget the startled expression of glee on the kids' faces when a massive walrus entered the stage! His rumbling bark resonated thru the auditorium... it was so cool.

Hannah and Jordan both loved the rides...

but to varying degrees as can be seen here...

the faster the better for Hannah... the smoother and more predictable for Jordan, the better.

Jordan is in the third car... he grew paler and paler each time the ride went around the track. Hannah screamed at the top of her lungs the whole time... she got off the ride and exclaimed, "That rocked!"

We couldn't get Jordan off the space ships (where he could control the movements of the ship)! Daddy had fun on it too...

They enjoyed feeding the deer and walking amongst them.

This is when the camera died. sigh.

They fed the belugas and touched them. Jordan said that he would never forget the experience for as long as he lives. Jordan was tall enough to reach over the side of the aquarium, and give caplin into the mouth of Baffin, the largest beluga at Marineland. He could see the teeth, tongue... all the way down her throat, he said. he touched her smooth skin, which felt like hard jello to him. For Hannah's turn, I had to hold her in my arms so that she could reach over the side. I thought her heart would pound out of her chest! She was speechless afterwards... a rare occurrence... so I know that she was moved.

Black bears were wrestling and swimming and climbing trees... and there was a little romance going on by the trees...

I am amazed by the vastness of Creation and the Creatures that live amongst us. There is such diversity and beauty, it overwhelms me.

Excerpts from Psalm 104

Praise the LORD, O my soul.

O LORD my God, you are very great.

How many are your works, O LORD!

In wisdom you made them all;

the earth is full of your creatures.
There is the sea, vast and spacious,

teeming with creatures beyond number

— living things both large and small.

These all look to you to give them their food at the proper time.
When you give it to them, they gather it up;

when you open your hand, they are satisfied with good things.
When you hide your face, they are terrified;

when you take away their breath, they die and return to the dust.
When you send your Spirit, they are created, and you renew the face of the earth.
May the glory of the LORD endure forever; may the LORD rejoice in his works-
he who looks at the earth, and it trembles, who touches the mountains, and they smoke.

I will sing to the LORD all my life;

I will sing praise to my God as long as I live.
May my meditation be pleasing to him,

as I rejoice in the LORD.

More than just me

My last few days have been... well... emotional. I love my life... I love my babies... but sometimes it just, well, it's just hard. Sleep deprivation will do that to ya.

In the midst of it all, there are moments of absolute beauty that overwhelm me. This morning as I was nursing Jaden, I was looking down at him and he was gazing at me too... and then the corner of his mouth turned up in a beautiful smile and he let out a giggle. It was one of those moments that you want to remember forever. I wanted to take in everything - his tiny hand wrapped around my thumb, the warmth of him cuddled close, the sweet smell of the top of his head... and as I looked into his eyes, I saw my own reflection. I stopped. It was a God-moment. I was only reflected in his eyes because I was so close to him... and that's what God desires in me... to be so close to him, that He is reflected in my eyes... when others look at me, they see more that just me... but my Father reflected.

As I climbed into bed last night, I had tears in my eyes. I was so tired from nursing thru the night, the ever-growing mountain of dishes and laundry (I've come to hate that one in particular), the constant smell of sour milk, the tangled mass of my long hair, the bed still being unmade... it felt like too much. In moments like that, I have learned one thing... to drive the sword of God's word deep into my sorrow. The truth of Hebrews 4:12 has been made clear to me in so many circumstances: "For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." If my heart is troubled, I turn to God's word that I might hear His voice of comfort. If my mind is troubled, I seek His word as a seive to sort thru the thoughts that circle 'round my mind. If I feel as if I have swallowed a stone that sits in the pit of my belly, I know my attitude needs to brought into line with God's gracious word. And so last night, I reached for Mark's copy of The Message, sitting on the night stand...

Psalm 34
2 I live and breathe God;
if things aren't going well, hear this and be happy:

4 God met me more than halfway,
he freed me from my anxious fears.

5 Look at him; give him your warmest smile.
Never hide your feelings from him.

6 When I was desperate, I called out,
and God got me out of a tight spot.

7 God's angel sets up a circle
of protection around us while we pray.

8 Open your mouth and taste, open your eyes and see—
how good God is.
Blessed are you who run to him.

18 If your heart is broken, you'll find God right there...

What amazing words of comfort. At the end of the day, when I feel as if all I could do was just muscle my way thru to the end before collapsing in bed, I fell asleep knowing that I am not hidden from Him. I am not invisible to Him... No one else may know that I've had a lousy day, but He does, and He cares about what I'm going thru. He sees me, knows me, loves me. I wish He could do my laundry for me... but I don't think it's on His agenda.

2007 - Embrace the Rhythm

RHYTHM
1.movement or procedure with uniform or patterned recurrence of a beat, accent, or the like.
2.Music.
a.the pattern of regular or irregular pulses caused in music by the occurrence of strong and weak melodic and harmonic beats.
b.a particular form of this: duple rhythm; triple rhythm.
3.measured movement, as in dancing.
4.Art, Literature. a patterned repetition of a motif, formal element, etc., at regular or irregular intervals in the same or a modified form...
7.the pattern of recurrent strong and weak accents, vocalization and silence, and the distribution and combination of these elements in speech.
(from www.dictionary.reference.com)

It's amazing how God has created so many things to function cyclicly. The seasons progress thru their patterns. The phases of the moon, the tide of the ocean. The water cycles from the sea, evaporates to the sky and then returns to water the earth. A farmer's field prospers when allowed to remain fallow for a season. Even my body has its own rhythms... my circadium clock, my womanly cycle, pregnancy and breastfeeding... all these things have a natural rhythm that beats without my involvement.

We go thru the cycles ourselves... periods of strength inflected by moments of weakness. There are days when we walk in the power of the Holy Spirit and there are days when our feet have yet to hit the floor and already we are overwhelmed. But as in the musical definition of rhythm, there is measurement. In our weakness, God has measured us and He knows exactly what we are able to withstand... we may be hard pressed, but never crushed. We have seasons when we are living on the potter's wheel, where we are molded and fired in his kiln before the beautiful work is revealed.

God made cycles. God made beginnings. Open your Bible... what are some of the first words that you'll see? In the beginning...

We all have the blessing of a new beginning... an opportunity to flow in new creativity and to find the natural rhythm that God has for us.

In the last season of 2006, I made peace with my own rhythm. I stopped trying to be someone else, to do what someone else was doing, and embrace who God made ME to be.

In 2007, I want to continue my walk to be who I was destined to be, defined by God.

I embrace my rhythm.

Wonder-Full, Counsel-her

For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace."

Isaiah 9:6

I love the names of Jesus... scripture is so full of them, each a new insight into who Jesus is.

He is Wonder-full... He never ceases to amaze me.

The Father has said to Him... Counsel her. She needs you.

He is mighty, strong enough to defend me, strong enough to stand up to me, strong enough to carry me.

He is everlasting... always there, always faithful... He is my Dad. My Abba.

He is a Prince... Songs of Solomon 1:2-4.

Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—

for your love is more delightful than wine.
Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes;

your name is like perfume poured out.

No wonder the maidens love you!
Take me away with you—let us hurry!

Let the king bring me into his chambers.

His Kingdom is Peace.

Embrace Sin... huh???

Last night I saw an amazing woman on a talk show... and I froze... she was beautifully well-spoken, and she shared from her heart, with great conviction of all that God had done... not just for her, but for all of us!

Thanks be to God
for his indescribable gift!

2 Corinthians 9:15

Then her name flashed on the screen... Liz Curtis Higgs. Wow! I nearly fell over, for she is one of my favourite authors. Her fiction is riviting, moving, and powerful... and her non-fiction is inspiring and challenging. Any one who can write a book called "Bad Girls of the Bible" demands attention. Her inspiration was her own life, being a "bad girl" herself. Yet in her adult life, God reached her... "in a pit of despair" she says on her website. Her real life story is just as moving as her writing... read more about her here: http://www.lizcurtishiggs.com/whoisliz.htm

I was floored as she was speaking. Her new book is titled "Embrace Grace" and on the show, she shared from one of the chapters called "Embrace Sin." ACK!!! My jaw nearly dropped to the floor! I couldn't understand such an idea... are we not to put "...aside all filthiness and all that remains of wickedness, in humility receive the word implanted, which is able to save your souls." (james 1:21) ???

She clarified...

We must embrace our sin before we can let go of it. We have to own up to it, so to speak. We have to acknowledge the areas of our lives that are contrary to God's ways. She shared about her father who was a good man... but in his goodness, he was never able to embrace his sin, even to his dying day... he could never acknowledge his sin. I understood... how often we compare ourselves to others... I'm not as bad as so-and-so... I've never done (fill in the blank), I'm not so bad... but even our very best falls so short of God. Even on my best day of loving my husband and kids, my neighbours, it all falls short... His word says our righteousness is like rags placed before Him. That's a tough pill to swallow for most.

He is not a God who is waiting for us to finally fess up so that He can shame us and command us to grovel before Him... He is waiting so that He can wipe our sin away, and draw us close to His heart, in an all-encompassing embrace which fills us more deeply than we could have ever dreamt possible. It's about finding the heart's true home... with our Maker.

When we embrace our sin, we are embraced by our Loving God.

Click here for a link to read more about Liz's book, Embrace Grace, and to the whole first chapter. http://www.lizcurtishiggs.com/waterbrook/Embrace/Embrace%20Grace.htm